Ribbons of Red

After a very trying and exhausting day I fell in bed at 10:30. I fell asleep but woke up at 12:30. Here we go again. I got up at 4 after turning this way and that way, and having intense spells of sweating and feeling so incredibly hot that even sitting under the fan with a wide open window didn’t help. I understand it to be adrenaline. My current quack doc thinks I'm a drug addict looking for sleeping pills and he does not believe in them. What the hell does that even mean. I don't believe in doctors not helping people. Who is right? A number of years ago, a really good psychiatrist took the time to listen. He did all kinds of tests including measuring the amount of adrenaline in my body. The results, as he relayed them to me. “It’s not that you have trouble sleeping, it’s that you can’t. Your body is making too much adrenaline.” So there I am. Someone who knew the situation, understood, and was really trying to help. Then I moved. Now I am a suicide threatening drug add...

In addition to all the stuff above. I also have Dissociative Disorder, Panic Disorder, Social Anxiety, GAD, Depression, OCD (Obsessive Thoughts), and I self-harm. I am also a very strong empath and have just come to understand what that really means. Must makes sense, but I have trouble discerning what is mine and what is not. I have struggled all my life and after some stability the ribbons no longer hold me. I'll fall in to ocean below and drown. My life story is crazy and mixed up. I don't know what I will write. I'm told writing helps, but if not, perhaps it will touch someone else. There will be many triggers here so read at your own discretion. Ribbons of Red. I could say ropes or chains, but everything always appeared beautiful and right. The world mama lived in was about image. Never truth. So for her, I will make my chains red ribbons. It sounds better. For her. I'm okay with it. See, red ribbons are all of a sudden so appropriate. I sometimes see red ribbo...